9.10.2012

An Apology

Sharing your story is risky. Especially when your story is raw. And especially when you're sharing it on a blog.

The last few months have been RAW to say the least. If you've been reading along since we left Houston, you already know this. And to think there are so many things I didn't write...things that were only spoken through tears to God.

Not everything I experience belongs on the blog, but the Lord knows I'm willing to share if He can use it for good. This doesn't mean that everything I write will be good...because I'm far too human. I may start out with the best intentions {to inspire, to bless, to be real and honest, to give thanks}, but sometimes I stumble. Sometimes, I fail. I'm learning to be okay with that.

But what I'm not okay with is that I may have hurt someone else in the process...namely the people who sold us this house. I don't know if they'll ever see my blog, but whether they do or not, dishonoring them was never my intent. In those first two months, I was too raw to see past my own persepctive...though I was begging God to give me His.

The truth is, we wouldn't live in our dream location on 8 acres with a dreamy view and a dreamy little barn if it weren't for the willingness of the previous owners to sell their house to these crazy dreamers from Houston. I am THANKFUL that they even gave us a second thought.



To the family who helped our dream come true: forgive me for being so consumed with my own heart that I was insensitive to yours. I hope that somehow, in some way, God can take the stuggles I expressed and use them for good in the lives of others. That was my real desire.

At the end of the day, my greatest struggle wasn't with the fleas...or with any other aspect of this house. It was with my own heart. And you know what I love about God? He cares so much about our hearts that He's willing to use anything, even fleas, to get to the depths of our struggles. For me it's perfectionism and control. For you, it might be something else. Whatever it is, you can be sure that God is so crazy about you that He'll go to the depths to set you free.

With a humble heart,

14 comments:

  1. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:3-4

    These verses have been very helpful to me. I share them with you in hopes that they bring you comfort. ♥

    ~ Lisa from Indiana ~



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  2. Oh, sweet girl, they did have fleas. And that stinks. That's all I took from what you wrote.

    Whoever buys our house might get mice, as when I went thru a bin of kids' shoes that was in the garage THEY WERE FILLED WITH MOUSE DROPPINGS. {insert retching noises here}

    We live in a world with fleas and mice and roaches...it's just the way it is.

    xoxoxo

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  3. You are the kindest hearted person I know. Truly grace personified and an inspiration to me.

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  4. I love your heart, and I know that God will honor your humility in this post. Even the cleanest of people can have their home or their land infested with fleas....as someone up above mentioned, "We live in a world full of fleas and mice and roaches." (and so much more!)

    Anyone who has spent any amount of time with you here in this space knows exactly where your heart was when you shared the not so glorious parts of your story in this move to Franklin.

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  5. Aw, I wouldn't beat yourself up sweetie. You were just expressing what was in your heart and anyone who reads this blog knows you are a Godly woman with a Godly heart. I'm certain the previous owners feel truly blessed that such a wonderful family is taking their place. Knowing that their home will be loved and cared for is enough to make anyone happy.

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  6. Bless your heart! You were in the middle of a mess, and anyone would have been overwhelmed at all you were facing. Your gracious spirit and tender heart are so evident, I am certain they would understand your feelings and know it was no reflection on them in any way, just frustration at one of the by products of life in the country.

    Your humility and concern for their feelings are such a sweet testimony to your spirit though, in a world where few seem to care or even notice if they may have hurt someone else. Praying you will feel peace about this:-)

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  7. Honey--we live in a broken world. Full of fleas. Mosquitoes. Rats. You were just letting us know where you were--and how to cover you and your family in our prayers. You NEVER once indicated that the previous owners were to blame in any way. You are a PRECIOUS wonderful HUMBLE SELFLESS inspirational girl--I'm so BLESSED by you and your honesty. You are a breath of fresh air--the voice of truth--even when it's hard. I love you so!

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  8. I don't think anyone could read your posts and think you were being deliberately insensitive. Your good heart shines through.

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  9. Thank you for sharing your heart, and your humbleness. I was blessed by your words this morning.

    Sue

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  10. Just catching up to write back....what a dear heart you have...what a redemptive God we have..thank you for being so real, so caring! Thank you for being so transparent as you let us journey with you. What a treasure!

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  11. Sweet blog friends, thank you for such tender hearted words, and most of all, thank you for understanding my heart. xoxo!

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  12. Someone recently asked me if I wish I could go back to the beginning stages of our move overseas and change my attitude and the way I looked at things. My pride says yes. My pride wishes that I had handled everything with grace and a positive attitude, full of an adventurous spirit. Pride aside, the truth is that the journey to where I went was tough but necessary. It brought out the ugliest sides of me at times and it broke me way down. I am so glad that He did it the way He did, because I learned that I am able to be transformed.
    I don't know if you read Edie's blog, Life In Grace. She tragically lost her home to a fire and wrote this post while they were in the process of rebuilding. I in no way mean to compare our trials to hers, but I love what she wrote in this post and she summed up a lot of the things that I struggled with on my journey.

    http://www.lifeingraceblog.com/2011/04/project-restorationedition-2-rebuilding-a-heart/

    Hugs to you tonight sweet friend.

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  13. Transitions are hard no matter how often or how far away they are...I am reminded of Peter's words when he tells us that trials are necessary, they're temporary, and they make us more like Jesus. There will come a time that you can look back at this season and recognize the wisdom you've gained and delight in the ways you know the Father better. And I bet you'll have some really sweet friendships thrown in. Be encouraged - you're not alone {we just moved to a new place, too}. :)

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    Replies
    1. I meant to comment on the next post, but I guess it'll work here, too! :)

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"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? I thought I was the only one." ~ C.S. Lewis

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