While pretending
yesterday was a snow day, I did a lot of blog reading in bed. That sounds dreamy, right? It should've been, but instead of gathering inspiration, I became more and more overwhelmed by what I saw...goal setting that intimidated me, accomplishments that shamed me, creativity that was beyond me.
I came away thinking I am DONE blogging...both reading and writing. And it's not like anyone would notice my absence. It's not like I have many followers, subscribers, commenters, etc. With all of the well-read, well-written and hugely followed blogs out there, who needs my ramblings?
But then I read
this post by a new blog friend, Tara. {I love her authenticity.} Actually, I first read her post back in July, but I had forgotten all about it. I needed it more today than ever. This quote she shared from Beth Moore stopped me in my tracks:
"INSECURITY'S BEST COVER IS PERFECTIONISM."
But I'm not insecure, I thought to myself.
Never have been. Right. So what was going on yesterday? Why did I feel so intimidated and...INSECURE as I surfed through all of my favorite blogs? It wasn't because of the person writing. Nope, it was something in me that didn't feel good enough.
This is the whisper of the enemy of my soul: that I am not good enough. We've all heard the whisper. The trouble isn't in the hearing; it's in the believing. And when we start believing the lie, it
changes the way we see everything.
And you don't have to go very far to see things through the lens of the lie {that you are not enough}. All it took for me was one step out of my bedroom where I was confronted with this:
Looking at it now, I can see the truth: that we are really missing Elsa and the 10 hours of housekeeping help she provides each week. {Sweet Elsa broke her arm
two months ago and has yet to return.} So things get a little crazy around here, and I'm no laundry queen. That's OKAY.
But when I looked at the laundry room through the lens of the lie {that I'm not enough}, I heard whispers of condemnation in my head.
This doesn't look like all the blog photos I saw yesterday. Other people can do it all. Why can't you? {The comparisons reeled in my mind.}
Just ignore the mess, Linsey. Keep walking. Go downstairs and read that book you don't want to read. {More on that another time.} So I went downstairs to grab a cup of tea and sit by the fire when I saw this:
What's wrong with that, you say? Nothing. Nothing at all. Of course, I can see that now. But with the whispers of condemnation still ricocheting through my head, I thought:
look at that boring, empty mantel, the dirty brick, the candle wax I've not yet scraped away...
...and the undecorated but yet-to-be-put-away CHRISTMAS TREE for crying out loud! No one who has a decent amount of motivation and respect for her home leaves things looking like this! {There's that condemnation again.}
You might be tempted to call me crazy, overly perfectionistic, too hard on myself...but I'm taking the risk of sharing this with you because I think there may be others of you who hear these same condemning whispers in your head.
And here's the deal:
there is no amount of will power or goal setting or motivation that can permanently disarm these lies. To think there is would only cause you to further beat yourself up when you fall short. Been there, done that.
So it's time for a change: not in a resolution-making, goal-setting kind of way, but
a change in the way we SEE, which requires
a change in the way we THINK. The real question is:
what will we choose to BELIEVE when the whispers threaten to undo us?
There's a lot more to say about those things, but this post is plenty long already. But I will say this:
there's a shift that occurs when we choose to believe the truth. Now I can see things differently.
Instead of fixating on the mantel, I sat beneath it and I enjoyed a hot cup of vanilla tea by a warm fire...and thanked God that I had a fire to enjoy on this chilly day.
And instead of focusing on yet another to-do (or "failure to do") as I gazed out the window...
...I shifted my gaze to a bird friend {bottom right corner}...
...and took the time to watch him drink, then welcome another friend.
And yes, my laundry room is still a mess (I only showed you half of it!) and my Christmas tree is still standing, but I see things differently now. And I see
myself differently.
"For there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1).
And THAT, my friends, is the truth...the truth that changes the way I see everything. And if sharing all of this helps even one of you see differently today, too, then this crazy-long post was worth it!
Blessings and hugs to you today from a heart that is being set free!
P.S. I thought robins were spring birds, but it seems they pop out even when it snows! I love the way my blog friend Paige captured a few bird friends
here. Doesn't her post make you want to cozy right up in her home?
